Although we were classified as poor, I never felt poor perhaps because everyone in my neighborhood were in the same economic class. We had food on the table, new clothes for new year and pocket money for school recess. I never felt like I was missing out on stuff in life. I was cognizant that my parents did not have much money to spare so I did refrain from joining school extra-curricular activities that require buying this or that.
Coming from such a family background, I foresaw myself working continuously like most people until retirement age. I had always wished to attend a university overseas but that was not a burden I could place on my parents. Fortunately, I did qualify for the University of Singapore. Being a graduate in the 70s in Singapore meant better career opportunities and the possibility of building a better life for myself greatly improved.
Growing up, the thought of marrying and living overseas never crossed my mind. I did dream of traveling to Europe and it took me three years to save enough money for my first European trip way back in 1980. It was a back-pack style trip and I was in Europe for almost a month. I bought a Eurail pass and stayed in hostels, survived on coke (coca-cola not the drug), biscuits and chocolate for most of the trip - partly because I had limited funds and partly because I was not comfortable to eat alone at restaurants. Europe was new to me, the languages, the food etc.
As a teenager, I was always curious about the rest of the world. Like many in my days, I started writing to penpals. We exchanged letters, photos, stamps and postcards. When I started working, I often wished that I could be posted overseas just for a couple of years. I had no real desire to live overseas on a permanent basis. I figured I would be comfortable with any posting to England, France or Switzerland. Switzerland was and still is the country of my dreams. I began learning French so I could feel like I was in France and Switzerland without being there.
I expected to live, work, perhaps marry an executive and retire in Singapore. Migrating overseas was not in my radar screen. Traveling and visiting - yes, migrating definitely no! I liked being a Singaporean, being a majority and being considered the top 5% of the educated population then. Life was good and comfortable. That was the life I had expected for myself.
However, my life took a totally unexpected turn when I turned 30. I met my H, a businessman (entrepreneur in the US) when I was 29 years old. I had told myself that I would never marry a businessman because most businessmen in Singapore in those days entertained a lot in the evenings, they used escots, drank alcohol liberally and got rather drunk quite often. My H turned out to be the complete opposite. He absolutely dislike socializing and drinking.
Living in this United States
There is nothing further from my mind when I was growing up than the thought that I might one day live in this United States, come to love and admire it and cannot see myself living elsewhere despite the fact that I love being in Singapore and Europe.
Growing up in what used to be a British Colony, I had always looked to Europe - I love its traditions, cultures and architecture. My perspective of this United States then was that it is modern and superficial - in other words, it is simply a gigantic Hollywood! I couldn't be more wrong.
Where this United States lacks in tradition and culture, it more than made-up for the value, trust and belief it vests in the individual. By instilling in each individual the belief that there is no limit to what they can achieve and that they are in total control of their own destiny, the natural result is individuals empower themselves to excel and reach for the stars. The pursuit of life, liberty and happiness is an inherent right.
Everyone has a shot at enjoying a decent life, being successful and becoming financially independent if they are willing to work hard and put in the effort. Failure is NOT a shame. People admire effort and believe that with effort, success will eventually follow. A better life is not determined by one's family tree or relations to royalties or established families with old money. You can enjoy a charmed life with hard work, the will to succeed and a little bit of luck.
Married life
Growing up I imagined that I would have a career and my career would continue through my married life. I did not expect to be a stay-at-home wife, that was not in my chemistry or in my bone. I enjoyed working and being out in the world of business. As fate would have it, I found myself settling in the mid-80s in a very white American suburb with very little prospect of getting a job with an international aspect to it.
At the beginning, I felt very uncomfortable and apologetic when asked if I was working, I had to reply with some discomfort, "No, I am a homemaker." There are no housewives in this United States, only homemakers. I felt like a second class citizen. However, over time I accepted my role at home and actually learnt to enjoy it. I had plenty of time to take care of our home, learnt to cook (growing up I avoided the kitchen as much as possible) and be very relaxed when my H came home. There was no stress, just smiles all around which created a very pleasant and harmonious atmosphere at our home.
As time passed, my attitude about staying at home changed. I was no longer apologetic, instead I felt fortunate to be a stay-at-home wife. Now, I highly recommend it to all married women. For those who say it is financially impracticable, it is a matter of sacrificing some material well-being for a more blissful and less stressful married/family life.
I am speaking from experience. I had worked for a brief 9-month period at some point during my marriage. I was tired at the end of the day, we had to eat out every evening, and the only time I had to take care of household chores was over the weekend. We had little quality time together and our home became pretty much a hotel. I often wonder how families cope with both parents working and with young children - something must give! We are not super human beings. We can only do so much each day before we reach our breaking point.
Starting a totally new career at pensioner's age
Totally unexpected and it can only happen in this United States! All you need is a strong will and desire to achieve the goal you set for yourself. Age is just a number.
When I started studying for my Juris Doctorate degree, some friends query why and what for - I was already in my late 40s and there was no pressing need for me to have or to embark on a career. My life was pretty settled with taking care of our home and traveling.
Honestly, I studied law out of interest with little thoughts of practising law in any form. I wanted also to have a professional degree so I could be independent if life's circumstances change. There is no guarantee that life will always be blissful. Anything can happen suddenly, thus I feel it is important to always add to our pool of options for the unexpected events in life.
When I passed the Calbar in November and took the Oath in December, the desire to set up my own practice swelled in me. About 10 days after I took the Oath, I was looking for office space, incorporating my law firm, printing business cards and signing up for a website. This was all totally unexpected and unplanned.
At home in three continents
I did not expect to be at home in three continents. My life has not been confined to just living in this United States. Because my H and I enjoy being in Europe, we hop over a couple of times a year and because my family is in Singapore, I am out that way a couple of times a year, too. Being a homemaker makes it easy for me to plan my travels. My mum often said that I fly across continents as if I am taking a taxi.
Second Spring of my life
This is the second spring of my life's journey. It is a new beginning. I look forward to the challenges that lies ahead and pray that with hard work and a little bit of luck, I will be successful in my law practice, measured not by billable hours but in terms of protecting the legal rights of those who seek my counsel and protecting their family's future through properly structured estate plans.
Many lament that the personal touch of dedicated legal service is being eroded and trust in the nobility of the legal profession has reached new lows, I hope my passion for the law will make a small difference and the quality of my practice will be something that I can be proud of someday.
Family members who left too soon
We do not expect to lose family members in their fifties. We expect family members to live at least to their seventies - see their children settled with families, enjoy their grandchildren and perhaps even live to see their great-grandchildren.
Taken 6 weeks before she left us
I did not expect to lose my dad, age 57, to a sudden stroke and I did not expect my sister-in-law who survived breast cancer to lose her life at age 58, to liver related cancer within 4 months after initial diagnosis. .
I am always sad when I think about them. They were just getting to the prime of their lives, where I now am. They have struggled all their lives to support the family. Sadly, just when life was getting slightly better and more settled, they were gone. They did not get to enjoy the fruits of their labor. It somehow feels unfair. Who says life is ever fair? Life has never really been fair. The best laid human plan is useless when God has other plans for us.
The lesson learnt is to always live life to the fullest each and every day because the plug can be pulled any time and when we least expect. If we live each day as if it is our last day, we will not have regrets. At the end of the day, we take with us memories of time spent with loved ones and friends, not the stuff we accumulate, not the successs of our careers, not the number of color pins on the world map that marked the places we have visited.
Our last moments will always be about the people in our lives - wishing we had told them how much they mean to us, wishing we had made the effort to spend more time with them, wishing we had told them how much we appreciate their love and friendship, wishing we had told them the difference they have made in our lives. That is what we take with us - the people who have been a meaningful part of our lives.
Spring is on its way
Soon, it will be spring. Let us celebrate life and all the blessings we have enjoyed. Let us promise to make every moment of our life count for something. It doesn't have to be something big - a smile to light up another, a pause to enjoy the sights and sounds around us, a kind word, a gentle touch of the hand. It is the little things that add up and make this world so beautiful.
Live and enjoy the moment!
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